...about Ayaka

Totally in love with wheelchair basketball.

I spread this love through Instagram,

so that athletes and our community get the attention,

they/we deserve.

Native Languages 母語／母国語

🇩🇪 🇯🇵

other languages その他の言語

🇬🇧 (🇫🇷)

born & raised 生まれ＆育ち

🇩🇪

CHILDHOOD

My parents divorced when I was little.

I only remember them hating or ignoring each other, so it was ok for me.

I was always told, that all the things

I wanted to become wouldn‘t be possible „it‘s too hard“.

Friends and parents of friends told me,

I could…

I wanted to become a singer and I took jazz vocal lessons, I was in a school band, went to workshops and I had some gigs.

So, I knew, that I was not bad,

but I also was not the best…

So my life was always with stuggles and finding confidence, and getting support of friends. I often felt afraid of being not enough…

18 years of happy days…

My marriage was a fullfilling time, at the beginning I felt being loved and I really loved to support and love, even if I wasn‘t a perfect woman for sure…

But life can be hard.

It only took half a year to realize, someone can change 180° and leave.

I fought, even I lost early.

I fought, because I couldn‘t face the fact that it‘s irreparable

and I fought for my children.

It all happened during one year, after my father died of a sudden heart attack.

It was the darkest time of my life.

But I was lucky to have my sons,

and good friends.

They kept me smiling, gave me the power to keep calm and not to get furious.

They gave me moments to appreciate things even in bad times.

I really think, that the confidence I have is made of the people who are around me.

As long as I don‘t lose my friends and

as long as I‘m really proud of all the wonderful (crazy) humans surrounding me,

I think, I must be ok.

Now

I think, this life-changing experiences were necessary to get into a life,

that feels more like I always wanted to be.

I don’t need to be perfect.

I should be Ayaka.

If something bad happens or someone is not friendly, I shouldn’t care.

When someone prejudices me,

I shouldn’t care.

Just stay myself.

If this person’s way and mine will get on tge same path, minds will change.

Don’t panic, Ayaka.

Do what you love.

Keep smiling.

Perhaps my father leaded me to this.

My father was a classic music journalist, who wrote articles about what’s going on in Germany for japanese audience and he also supported japanese musicians in Germany.

Isn’t it a little close to what I’m doing right now?

I’m sure, he is watching me🙏🏻

How I found my way to

wheelchair basketball

My now Ex-Husband was a physio and he got connected to japanese players.

He wanted to go and watch a game with those players and I wanted to give my sons a family day, so I suggested to go all together to this game.

It was on december 10th 2017.

A snowy day.

It was RSV Lahn-Dill vs. RBC Köln 99ers.

We were late, because of the snow, so the game had started already.

I only expected a nice sport

with disabled people

trying to play basketball in a wheelchair.

At the moment, I saw it

it blew me away.

It was thrilling, entertaining, athletic and noone looked pitiful in any way.

They fell down, got up.

Some needed help, but they got up and continued.

I realized, that I was wrong.

I shouldn‘t worry on how I will be labeled as a divorced singlemother and all the things that happened to me in that year.

This fascinations I felt included the message

„keep focussing on the things,

that makes you happy“

„if you fall, you can stand up on your own, or someone helps you“

It was a moment,

I was reminded how I want to be.

A positive human.

As a child, I never was really interested of doing things for money or getting important.

I only do things I love to do

(what is bad in some ways)

And I loved watching wheelchair basketball

from the very first sight.

So, now I'm a over 40 singlemom, living in Germany with my two sons.

My two sons mean a lot to me. They are the best sons, I could ever imagine. They are always funny and almost never argue with each other.

One has a high IQ, so he can help me with technical things or a wide knowledge. The little one is also playing wheeichair basketball as a "abled bodied" since he was nearly nine years old and

he is a super friendly, helpful, funny, cute person.

I don't say they mean "everything" to me, because I think

I don't want to be too dependend from them,

and I don't want to be that kind of mother,

who get crazy when they start to create their lives.

And I want them to create their own lives, thinking about how to do it,

go for something, perhaps they fail, perhaps they won't,

but I just want to be someone on who they can count on,

if they need help.

And I want to create MY LIFE.

To be honest, I'm feeling a little more free now,

because I think I won't get pregnant again, so this "getting a family" things are not a big part of my plannings or dreams.

I will have more free time year by year, that makes me imagine to live somewhere else someday...perhaps.

I think it's difficult for me to discribe myself.

I remember words from friends.

I know, people mostly say only the nice things.

Positive, natural born supporter, has no stress capacity,

rather carries everything than there is stress.

But I always think, I'm like a dog wanting attention by being nice...

but only to people I really like.

I can also be really unfriendly to people I don't like...

But for the ones I like, I really have no stress capacity...

or I have, but I don't accept that.

Someone once told me, that's a "little sister syndrome"

Yes, I have a big brother, who was really bad to me when we were living together until my parents divorced.

The divorce of my parents was easy for me, because I didn't know them happy together. They had also fights in front of us and I was always the "it's ok, i don't care" daughter, not to let my parents feel guilty.

This "keep on smiling and spread good vibes" illness(?)

comes from this part of my life.

When I went through my dark times, I was still trying to hide all the SHIT that surrounded us, but my little son started to tell me every day, that he loves me so much and embraced me. He was 8 years old.... He rescued me and he allowed me to know, that I may have weak moments,

even as his mother.

So it gave me power to keep acting carefully.

I'm super weak always pretending strong...

which might be also a strong characteristic.

I think I feel good identifing myself with what's surrounding me and

I'm really thankful for all that.

But this has a bad side. I'm bad in taking care of myself in a direct way.

My garden looks like a jungle,

I have a lot of things at home, that I don't need,

I love cooking, but I don't really like housework.

I would more love to do that at otherones houses...,

it's crazy, but I know, it's me.

Of cause, I am also working on that, little by little.

Need a strong hand who leads me,

who speaks out things,

who accept me this way on one side,

but motivates me.

I'm badly missing this,

having someone who I can count on...

But life taught me a lot until now,

so

let's see what happens to me next.